GHOST OF PERDITION

Right click today's link and save target as. It's a wma of Opeth's Ghost of Perdition. Burn that shit onto a CD and speed away in your Camaro concept car. That would be awesome.

It's like 3:30am and I keep hearing weird noises outside my window. It's extra freaky because I've been working on the new Silent Assassin book in complete darkness and silence while trying to imagine situations and concepts that bring out genuine anxiety and terror in myself in an attempt to translate those ideas into scenarios in the book that will evoke the same emotions from the reader in a way that actually feels tangible.
I want to stop and throw on some cartoons to unwind, but I should probably push even harder now that I want to stop. I need to challenge my own comfort zones. Delve into the darkness...

I'm cheating just by taking the time to make this post. Back to work.

FEAR OF GIRLS

How do you keep your roomate from painting a unicorn on your bedroom wall while you're away on vaction?
I wouldn't know.

COMIC BOOKS GET WOMEN HOT

We need more of this. Hot women and comic books. I just don't see how it can hurt. Women need to get naked and pretend like they are into comic books. And we need pictures and video to document the moments. I especially need them to fondle my comic books.
In fact, we will have at least one hot woman fondling our books at the upcoming NY Comic Con. DJ Lady Tribe will be at our booth to promote her appearance in the Phony-Baloney comic. I think this trend is getting off to a good start and we are doing our part to help.

Hey! Check out the new music player in the righthand menu. I will be loading it with my tracks as they are finished (CHOJIN) and posting lots of new music for you to check out. Leave some comments if you have any feedback or requests.

I listened to the first Howard Stern broadcast on Sirius today. It was great. I can't wait to hear which revelation belongs to which cast member. Here is the info if you haven't heard -

OK, first, here's the list of people (in no particular order) who've given their revelations to super-producer, Will Murray (who hasn't given his own revelation):
1. Fred
2. Howard
3. Benjy
4. Artie
5. Robin
6. Sal the Stockbroker
7. Gary
8. Richard Christy
9. Scott Salem
10. JD
11. Jason

And now the revelations:
1. I cheated on my wife and she caught me...
2. I once hid in a bathroom closet and pleasured myself when my family members went to the bathroom...
3. In the last year, I got a girl pregnant and had to pay for her abortion...
4. I think I'm addicted to porn - I jerk off twice a day and prefer to masturbate than have real sex...
5. I have spent well over $10,000 on internet porn...
6. My buddy and I once ordered massage girls to our hotel room, but they ripped us off and we were left staring at each other in our underwear...
7. I have pleasured myself with meat and vegetables...
8. I have a half-sister I've never met and don't want to...
9. I've had cosmetic surgery...
10. A guy once blew his load on my chest...
11. I once had my stomach pumped for alcohol poisoning and when I woke up in the hospital, an acquaintance of the same sex was fondling my genitals...

The answers should be revealed by the end of this week.

Also, read the post below this one. Not only is it interesting an informative, but it is the first posting by someone other than myself on this site in years! Maybe I'm not a miserable failure like I thought I was.

MISERABLE FAILURE

Googlebombing 'failure'
9/16/2005 12:54:00 PM
Posted by Marissa Mayer, Director of Consumer Web Products
If you do a Google search on the word [failure] or the phrase [miserable failure], the top result is currently the White House’s official biographical page for President Bush. We've received some complaints recently from users who assume that this reflects a political bias on our part. I'd like to explain how these results come up in order to allay these concerns. Google's search results are generated by computer programs that rank web pages in large part by examining the number and relative popularity of the sites that link to them. By using a practice called googlebombing, however, determined pranksters can occasionally produce odd results. In this case, a number of webmasters use the phrases [failure] and [miserable failure] to describe and link to President Bush's website, thus pushing it to the top of searches for those phrases. We don't condone the practice of googlebombing, or any other action that seeks to affect the integrity of our search results, but we're also reluctant to alter our results by hand in order to prevent such items from showing up. Pranks like this may be distracting to some, but they don't affect the overall quality of our search service, whose objectivity, as always, remains the core of our mission.

RANDOM CHUCK NORRIS FACTS

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Cuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.

2006 MAKES ME SICK

Literally.
I am ill.
Ever since 2006 rolled in, I have had a headache and a sore throat.
Coincidence?
I think not.

2006 is already making me angry.
2006 must pay...

THE ANARCHIST PRANKSTER'S GUIDEBOOK VERSION 0.4 - FEBRUARY 11, 1993 ******************************************************************* NEW VERSIONS WILL ALWAYS BE AVAILABLE AT ----=== RANDY THE RIPPER'S BBS ===---- ----====== Always Bet On Randy... ======---- ******************************************************************* D I S C L A I M E R If you are a police cop you better stop looking at this right away. I know my rights f***kin pigs. Welcome to my text phile... here you will find a collection of ANARCHIST TACTICS sure to overwhelm even the most strict principals, teachers and assistant principals... written by me, XOZero.. an unassuming 14 year old in rural America....now on with the chaos... 1) KMART CATASTROPHE If you're ever in Kmart and you see one of your teachers there, hang around out of sight and don't let them see you. Then when they leave their cart to go look at something, steal something out of it and put it back on the shelf! Good luck waxing your car without car wax, Mr. Peterson !! 2) APPLEY ANARCHY Put a bag of apples in the heating vent at school a few weeks before Winter. It will smell real bad the first time they turn on the heater. Then when the principal comes in and they're talking to the teacher about it you can make fart noises. If you do it good he'll think it's the teacher farting. 3) PENS IN THE GLUE Have a bottle of white glue? Good..... stick a bunch of pens and pencils in it!! Then when the teacher asks whats up you can say "Anarchy b***tch..." 4) COACH CRAZY Here are some ways to drive your gym class coach nuts.. They work every time. - Make up a song that goes "Coach, coach, you are a bad coach.." (thats the first line you can make up the rest) - Look for more in the next version of this phile. 5) MORE MADNESS AT KMART Most Kmarts have phones all over the place with a little directory attached. Find the number for the public address system and type it in. Now you can say whatever you want to the whole store!! I suggest something like "ASS BUGS" or "I HATE SCHOOL" This works even better if you have a teacher in the store like in tip #1. 6) PREGNANT PUZZLER Sometimes a female teacher at school gets knocked up and this opens up a whole new level of fun for the anarchist.. If the teacher falls asleep you can go up to her belly and say to the baby "ANARCHY FOREVER!" and maybe the baby will come out and be a hell raiser like us or you can just spoil movies for the baby by saying "DARTH VATER IS LUKE DAD YOU DUMB BABY!!" but dont wake up the mom. 7) DRAGONFLY DOOM Do you have a mortal enemy whose life you want destroyed? Simply catch a dragonfly one day and stick it in one of your teacher's cars, then write a note that says "Mr or Mrs. Teacher, I stuck the dragonfly in your car and I don't regret it in fact I hope you wreck your car off a cliff, signed (the enemy's name)" Then just sit back and watch your enemy get tackled by a cop.. Important: Double check to make sure you signed it with the enemy's name and not your name. 8) MILK MIX-UP Offer a teacher or principal a free glass of milk but first pour some cologne in the milk. Then when they taste the cologne they will spit it out all over themselves and smell like cologne and milk all the rest of the day. How it works: They will be so excited about free milk that they will chug it before they notice anything is wrong!! 9) MOVIE MISFORTUNE A lot of the time your teacher will show movies in class because he or she is a lazy susan or is afraid of you being smarter than them.. Well what you should do is if its a video tape you can fast forward a bunch of it when the teacher leaves the room so that when they come back the movie will be almost over. Or if its a oldstyle projector you can cut the film up with scissors or steal the light bulb out of it then when the teacher says "Go get another light" you can ditch school. 10) ASTRONOMY? ASTRONOYOU!! Some times you will go on a field trip to a planetarium this is a good place to do some pranks because its very dark. Like when you are all looking up at the stars and stuff go "THIS IS BORING" and they will get mad but they wont know who said it. Then in the confusion you can take that time to carve the anarchy symbol in your chair. 11) SHOPPING CART SHENANIGANS Get a bunch of shopping carts from a parking lot and dump em in one of your teacher's lawns so it looks like they are a dead beat Warning: the grocery store staff may yell at you! Until next time..... This article is (C) XOZero if you have any questions you can email me at 908371985719.2984@compuserve.net ******************************************************************* ///////////////////////////////// Hell yeh!!! This file was downloaded from the SEXECUTIONER'S BBS SysOp: DiabeticThunder CoSysop: ratso /////////////////////////////////

2006 IS FOR JERKS

Dear jerks,

Did you make any jerk-ass resolutions? Are ya gonna stop eating so much god damn fatty fat fuck food? Are you gonna get a better shitty job? Maybe stop smacking your loved ones in their ugly stupid heads? Well, welcome to another year of failure ya waste of sperm moron jerk! Welcome to another year of injustice, catastrophe and reality TV! I can't wait to see how much 2006 will make my anus bleed.

Love,
"The jerk who runs this website"

PS - I got Xbox 666. It's like the 360, only it spurts the blood of virgins through the ring of darkness. Also, it only plays a buggy version of Barbie Horse Adventure at 3 frames per second.