1. It is the longest running animated prime time program ever. As of Season 12, it is also the longest running sitcom ever.

2. The opening credits have not changed at all since the show began and yet every opening credits is different (Bart's quote on the chalkboard, the couch gag, and occasionally Lisa’s sax solo).

3. As creator Matt Groening often says, "The Simpsons is the only show that rewards you for paying attention." The more you watch, the more you appreciate how true that is.

4. The average Simpsons episode script is upwards of 50 pages. An average sitcom's script is about 25 pages.

5. Unlike other sitcoms, a Simpsons episode typically gets better in subsequent viewings.

6. Any facet of life or topic of conversation can be somehow related back to the Simpsons. Disputable as you may think this is, it has yet to be disproved.

7. No matter how hard you try, you can never know everything there is to know about The Simpsons.

8. Whether it be in vocabulary (clandestine, garish, glib, ostentatious), science (Pierre Julie Cesar Janssen discovered helium), literature (the meaning behind "The Raven"), or notable people (Lyndon LaRouche, James Coco, Pablo Neruder), The Simpsons is always teaching me something new.

9. As much as they make me laugh, The Simpsons occasionally succeeds at making me cry (when Homer says Goodbye to his mother, when Lisa says Goodbye to Mr. Bergstrom, and when Maggie & Marge are reunited after being fostered by the Flanders)

10. South Park, Family Guy, and Futurama could never have existed without The Simpsons.

11. Dan Castelleneta, Harry Shearer, and Hank Azaria each provide dozens of voices. Castelleneta plays Homer, Krusty, Willie, and Mayor Quimby, none of whom sound alike. Azaria plays Apu, Moe, Dr. Nick, and Wiggum, none of whom sound alike. Shearer plays both Rev. Lovejoy & Flanders, both Skinner & Otto, and both Smithers & Burns. He also plays one of my favorite minor characters: Grampa's friend, Jasper.

12. Each actor in the cast not only speaks for a number of different characters but each character also has his or her own singing voice.

13. Many of the writers are Harvard graduates.

14. I know pre-teens, teen-agers, twenty-somethings, thirty-somethings, and baby boomers who watch and enjoy The Simpsons.

15. The Simpsons are truly global. I've often said, "If there's one thing I’ve learned in my travels, it is that everyone watches The Simpsons." When I was in Hungary, I met this guy from New Zealand and when I asked him if he watched, he barked back, "Yeah, I'm from New Zealand. It's not like I'm from East Buttfuck, you know?"

16. One time I watched "Rosebud" which I had on tape with no commercials. Towards the end of the third act when Mr. Burns goes out to confront Maggie in her sandbox, I noticed something was amiss. I realized it was the first time since the episode began that I wasn't laughing. There are very few shows where you can laugh straight through from start to finish.

17. Matt Groening once said that his favorite moment in The Simpsons was when Homer accidentally jumped Springfield Gorge. Groening says when he fell down the gorge, that was funny. But when he was pulled back up by the helicopter and kept hitting his head on the rocks and they put him into the ambulance and the ambulance crashed into the tree and Homer fell out the back and down the gorge again, that was the funniest thing he'd ever seen. When I read that, I found it difficult to disagree with him.

18. Bart Bowl. What other television show has remotely enough information to come up with 10 trivia questions every weekday for ten months straight? Going to thesimpsons.com for my daily round was one thing I always looked forward to. They could easily have kept it going for years.

19. Al Gore watches The Simpsons. During the 2000 presidential campaign, he was asked about excessive violence in the media and he answered the question by making a reference to Itchy & Scratchy. His daughter Kristin writes for Futurama on which he made a special guest appearance.

20. Anyone who thinks The Simpsons aren't as good as they used to be, I have three words for you: "Behind the Laughter".

21. They are a strong family unit. There are numerous instances where each family member shows their genuine love for every other family member. Santa’s Little Helper and Snowball II can certainly be included as part of this unit.

22. Homer. Just Homer. I think he deserves his own reason, don't you?

23. Homer has taken more physical abuse than any other fictional character ever.

24. For an idiot, Homer has lived an incredibly full life. His biography in the guide lists just a few highlights: "Mascot for Springfield Isotopes… manager for country singer Lurleen Lumpkin… proprietor of the Mr. Plow snowplowing service… member of the Be-Sharpes barbershop quartet… went into space as a NASA astronaut… cannonball target with traveling freak show at Hullabalooza… unknowing assistant to super terrorist Scorpio… climbed into the ring with world heavyweight champ Drederick Tatum… alcohol bootlegger during Springfield's short-lived prohibition… voice of "Poochie" in the Itchy & Scratchy show."

25. Of all the jobs an incompetent dimwit could have, Homer is the safety inspector at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant.

26. It seems that almost every week, Homer does something newsworthy that puts him in the media’s eye. Going into outer space, winning a Grammy Award, being accused of sexual harassment, airing his Mr. Plow commercial, appearing on Kent Brockman’s Smartline as union kingpin, supposedly kidnapping Larry Burns, becoming a prize fighter, running for trash commissioner (Local Nut At It Again), being interviewed by Kent Brockman about the Springfield Isotopes, and this season’s Mr. X episode are just a few of the highlights.

27. The love story of Homer & Marge is one that is as layered and thoroughly understandable as any real life couple. Despite the fact that Homer constantly upsets and enrages Marge with his behavior, it is perfectly clear how and why she loves him. He often gives her reason to be proud (going up into space, winning a Grammy Award, becoming trash commissioner, becoming union president) and he always sticks up for her and his family… well, he does in the end.

"Another Simpsons Clip Show" theorizes through past examples that love causes nothing but pain, despair, and heartache. Only at the end do we see through the example of Homer & Marge that love can be happy, magical, and beautiful. It recounts the tale of their high school courtship, shown initially in “The Way We Was” and ends with a sentimental montage of many of their kisses. That one brings an occasional tear to my eye as well.

One of my favorite moments that sums up their relationship nicely is when Homer buys a gun for the house. After a few mishaps, Marge sits him down calmly and reasons, "Homer, I think you'll agree I've put up with a lot in this marriage." He opens his mouth to speak when he looks over at Bart & Lisa, simply shaking their heads in unison as if to say "don't even bother". He promptly shuts up and allows Marge to continue.

28. How many times has Homer faced death? Too many to count. Falling down Springfield Gorge, eating the Japanese bluefish and having 24 hours left to live, going through triple bypass surgery, landing in a coma when he opened the beer can Bart shook up for him, jumping off the tall building and being saved indirectly by a bungee-jumping Otto, almost drowning when he drove Moe’s car off a cliff, almost drowning in the ocean until Maggie saved him, being shot at by the mafia, and having to perform the little bicycle loop trick with Krusty are a couple of highlights. For a ten year old boy, Bart has faced death way too many times.

29. The relationship between Bart and Lisa is one that successfully models the complex dynamic of a real life brother and sister. They are often competitive as Pee-Wee hockey players and in their science fair projects. They fight constantly like when Bart ruins Lisa's Thanksgiving centerpiece and when he shows her summer friends at the beach her yearbook. Yet they work fantastically together as a team. As Marge says, “Together, you’ve reunited Krusty with his estranged father, gotten Principal Skinner his job back, and helped Dr. Nick Riviera perform open heart surgery on your father. You’ve even foiled Sideshow Bob on five separate occasions and he’s an evil genius.”

30. Bart and Lisa can often speak and act like adults yet they can remain faithful and believable as being kids with kids’ problems.

31. Lisa and her saxophone. Her mentor, Bleeding Gums Murphy, taught her how to play the blues from the heart. The saxophone is an excellent conduit for Lisa to express her emotions to the audience. One of the best episodes of its season was Lisa's Sax where they recount how Lisa came to acquire it.

32. The family's relationship to the TV. They consider the television an integral member of the family unit.

"Come family… come sit in the snow with Daddy and let's bask in television's warm glowing warming glow."

"Don’t you ever… EVER talk that way about television."

After scolding Bart and Lisa for watching too much TV, they leave the room and Homer approaches the TV set and says, “Let’s never fight again.”

33. All members of the Simpsons family have tripped out at least once:

- Marge hallucinated off the Springfield tap water. "The walls are melting again."

- Bart and Milhouse got wasted off Squishee, prompting Bart to wake up the next morning with a hangover wearing a Jr. campers uniform.

- Lisa's most notable mood altering episodes include the gas she took for her braces ("Look, it's Lisa in the sky. No diamonds though.") and the acid trip from drinking the water at Duff Gardens. "I can see the music." "I am the lizard queen!" "Can't talk, coming down."

- Maggie was fed coffee ice cream by Bart and went on a caffeine blitz.

- And of course Homer tripped out on the now famous Guatemalan chili peppers.

- Even Grampa and Jasper drank peyote juice, along with Ned, Willie, and Lou.

34. The family is well-traveled. They've been to New York, Washington D.C., Australia, and Tokyo. Homer has been to Las Vegas with Flanders, Scotland with Burns, Frink, & Willie, Cuba with Burns & Smithers, and Florida to see the Super Bowl with a busload of companions. Bart drove to Knoxville, TN with Milhouse, Martin, and Nelson.

35. The Simpsons drive a pink car. How much abuse has that car taken? Getting into an accident with the other family car in Mr. Plow, driving through the elementary school hallway in "Wild Barts Can’t Be Broken", tearing its front axle to pieces in the New York episode, and driving into a chestnut tree while parodying the Flintstone's theme song. "From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree…"

36. Have you ever stopped to think why Homer hates Flanders as much as he does? It was present in the very first episode, "Simpsons Roasting Over an Open Fire", where the Flanders' house was lit so much better than the Simpsons'. Flanders is the person Homer always wishes he could be but never can be so he constantly takes it out on him… with hilarious consequences. "If I'm going to find Flanders, I'm going to have to think like Flanders… I'm a big four eyed lame-o and I wear the same stupid sweater everyday and… to the Springfield River!" The Flanders are the nicest most generous people in town and yet I loathe them more than any other character (except maybe Martin).

37. Aside from the family, there are literally hundreds of supporting characters.

38. Most of these supporting characters have fleshed out personality traits.

Five Favorites:

39. RALPH WIGGUM: Ralph is that kid in your elementary school class who was a little slower than everyone else and thus was the one to pick on. I can only imagine the team of writers sitting around a table debating which one on their long list of witty Ralph Wiggum one liners will be the one that goes into the show. Just thinking about all the one liners that weren't used makes me appreciate the brilliance of Ralph. He is arguably the funniest non-family member in the show.

- "My cat's breath smells like cat food."

- "I bent my wookie."

- "It tastes like burning.”

- "That’s where I found the leprechaun. He told me to burn things."

- "Ralph, remember the time you saw Snagglepuss outside?" "He was going to the bathroom."

- "Hi Lisa! We're gonna be in a pie!"

- "Miss Hoover, my worm went into my mouth and then I ate it. Can I have another one?"

- "Sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!"

- The doctor said my nose wouldn't bleed so much if I just kept my finger out of there."

- And my all-time favorite: "Me fail English? That's unpossible."

40. KRUSTY THE CLOWN: He is a famous comedian who rubs elbows with Hollywood celebrities and yet he never seems to leave Springfield. Krusty brand merchandise is ubiquitous: the Krusty cereal with jagged edge silver O's, Krusty Camp, Krusty's clown college, Krusty home pregnancy test, and Krusty's upper hair lip remover.

He is the only main Jewish character; Jackie Mason played his rabbi father. He is the host of a children's show but he is a compulsive spending, cigarette smoking, alcohol abusing, pornography loving dirty man. And he has had numerous interactions with Bart and yet each time he doesn't remember who he is (Mr. Burns has this same problem with Homer.)

Favorite Krusty quote: “Now comes my favorite part of the show… what’s that say? … Talk to the audience!?! Oh God, this is always death.”

41. C. MONTGOMERY BURNS: He is Harry Shearer's favorite character. As powerful as he is financially & socially, no one is as weak or frail physically. He is by far the wealthiest and oldest man in Springfield yet he despises giving to charity or doing anything remote environmentally sound? “Ree-cy-cling? I’m sorry. I’m not familiar with the term.” His Nuclear Power Plant is poorly run but stays open because of excessive bribes. He hates everything and everybody but just wants to be loved… by someone other than Smithers. His dialogue is brilliant; he is so out of touch with society that he constantly uses slang that no one has used in fifty years.

"Woah… slow down there… you say there's a New Mexico?"

I love when they go to Cuba and he says, "So you say Batista's gone. I had no idea. Well, just take us to whomever else is in charge."

42. MILHOUSE: Bart still hangs out with this classic tool because they’ve been best friends since Kindergarten. But as it happens in life, one pal becomes much cooler than the other. When Bart tells Martin, "We don't need you around nerding it up." Milhouse adds while pointing within, "That job is taken."

He is confident by announcing, “My mom says I’m the handsomist guy in school.” His perennial crush on Lisa is painfully amusing to watch.

"But I'm all Milhouse!" & "If you want it out of my hair, it's gone... you want this?"

Lisa: "Mom, I feel weird in this white dress. I mean… Milhouse."

Marge: "Oh honey. Milhouse doesn't count."

When Lisa dresses up like him, Milhouse laughs, “Who wets their bed now?”

He also alluded to wetting the bed in his Kidz Newz commentary.

And his goldfish: “But why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?”

He gives a note from Lisa to Nelson reading "Guess who likes you?" After a subtle follow-up wave, we next see him being carried on a stretcher into an ambulance. "He can't hear you now."

43. KANG & KODOS: These overbearing condescending one-eyed green aliens, have managed to make an appearance in every Halloween episode since the beginning. They speak Rigellian which by a bizarre coincidence is the same exact language as English. My favorite is when they take over the identities of Bill Clinton & Bob Dole just before the 1996 election.

"What are you going to do about it? It's a two party system. You have to vote for one of us."

"I believe I'll vote a third party candidate."
"Go ahead! Throw your vote away!"

No one gets away with having aliens swear the way they do with "Oh, shazzbutt!" & "Holy Flurking Shnit!"

44. Itchy & Scratchy. The cartoon within a cartoon, its parallels to Disney characters are unprecedented - Steamboat Itchy, Scratchtasia, and Pinitchyo. Early versions of Itchy & Scratchy even model that of Mickey Mouse. I love the episodes with guest directors like Quentin Tarantino or Oliver Stone. Their excessive violence is hilarious and it further displays the family's relationship to TV. "You ever think all this violence desensitizes us?”

- Itchy & Scratchy Land: magnificent take off on Disneyland and Jurassic Park

- Itchy & Scratchy: the movie: magnificent take off on Hollywood blockbusters

- Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie (with Roy, the family's temporary houseguest)

- The Day the Violence Died

45. The Comic Book Guy has no name.

46. Dr. Hibbert, Lou, and Carl are never referred to as black. In fact, their skin color has rarely if ever been mentioned as an issue.

47. Mr. Burns never remembers who Homer is or that he works for him. This sometimes works to Homer's advantage and sometimes to his disadvantage. The first time they meet and Burns hires him, he asks Smithers (as he always does) who is that man? "Homer Simpson, sir." "Simpson, eh? I'll remember that name." This fact is why Homer is a prime suspect for shooting him in the show's only two part episode.

48. Typical role models like the reverend, the principal and teachers, the police chief, and the mayor are all questionable characters.

49. Dr. Hibbert has a different hilarious hair do in every flashback.

50. How many characters have catch-phrases? Burns, Nelson, Barney, Flanders, Krusty, Mrs. Krabappel, Superintendent Chalmers, Chief Wiggum, Dr. Hibbert, and the Sea Captain. Homer has at least three.

51. Apu's last name: Nahasapeemapeliton. "You're under arrest for the murders of Moe Szyslak and Apu Nahasa… pasa… eh, just Moe.”

52. Apu & Manjula are still married and have eight kids. Kirk & Luanne are still

Divorced. Maude is still dead. Lisa is still a vegetarian.

53. The only character with five fingers is God.

54. The Simpsons have had more guest stars than any other program ever.

55. Joe Mantegna regularly appears as Fat Tony; Alex Rocco regularly appears as Roger Myers, Jr.; Kelsey Grammer has made six appearances as Sideshow Bob.

56. Jon Lovitz and Albert Brooks have made numerous appearances each time as a different character. Lovitz played Homecoming King & intellectual superior Artie Ziff, Springfield Community College Art Professor Lombardo, sardonic theatre director Llellwyn Sinclair, and pathetic film critic Jay Sherman. Albert Brooks played bowling instructor & homewrecker Jacques, fast talking RV salesman Bob, self-help guru Brad Goodman, and ever ebullient super villain Hank Scorpio.

57. It is the only show in which all three surviving Beatles have appeared.

58. When they want to do a parody of something like The Wonder Years, School House Rock, Lost in Space, or Behind the Music, they can actually get Daniel Stern, Jack Sheldon, Dick Tufeld or Jim Forbes to supply the necessary voice.

59. A great game to play is trying to identify the guest star before seeing his/her name in the end credits. Sometimes I get it instantly and sometimes I don't get it until the end.

60. Once I know who the guest star is, I can then affirm their identity upon viewing the episode again. However, there are instances where the guest star manages to camouflage their voice so successfully that I'm still unable to find traces of familiarity in their character. One example is the brilliant performance of Meryl Streep as Reverend Lovejoy's ten year old daughter, Jessica; another is Mark Hamill's rendition of the sergeant from the bodyguard training camp.

61. Musical Guest Stars. Ten favorites include:

- The Ramones singing Happy Birthday to Mr. Burns "Smithers, have the Rolling Stones killed." "But sir, those aren't the…" "DO AS I SAY!"

- Red Hot Chili Peppers performing at Krusty’s Komeback Special

- The Who performing in New Springfield

- Barry White singing Can't Get Enough of Your Love Baby to attract the snakes in Whacking Day

- U2 performing at Rock the Vote

- Spinal Tap in concert

- Tom Jones being hired by Burns to give a concert to Marge

- Linda Ronstadt performing with Barney for his Plow King ad “Linda Ronstadt! Barney, how’d you get her?” “Eh, we’ve been looking for a project to do together for a while.’

- James Taylor (“Wow, former president James Taylor”)

- The entire Hullabalooza episode which includes:

- Smashing Pumpkins (“Hi, Billy Corrigan, Smashing Pumpkins” “Homer Simpson, Smiling Politely”)

- Cypress Hill (“Who ordered the London Symphony Orchestra… possibly while high… Cypress Hill, I’m looking in your direction”)

- Peter Frampton (“Remember, don’t trust anyone over 30. And now… Peter Frampton!”)

- Sonic Youth (“Hullabalooza isn’t about freaks. It’s about music and marketing and youth oriented product positioning.”)

62. Springfield is in no particular state.

63. We don't know what year it is.

64. The characters don't age. In fact, the show has been around longer than the kids are old.

65. Even though no one ages, we have seen the births of all three kids and we've seen them as adults on more than occasion. We've seen Lisa almost marry Hugh Parkfield in 2010 and become U.S. president in 2030 (which in case you didn't notice is not an election year).

66. Springfield has no particular geography. When the Kwik-e-Mart needs to be next to the movie theater, it is. When the Simpsons house needs to be next to the nuclear power plant, it is. And when a salt silo needs to be on a hill above Springfield Elementary, it is. Springfield has a mountain range, a gorge, a forest, an ocean, a river, and Badlands. It can serve as a big city (Springfield Stadium & Arena) even though it’s a small town.

67. They regularly poke fun at Fox, the very network which supports them.

68. All of the brilliant references to movies. To list all of my favorites would be near impossible but I will say that from my list of the Top 20 greatest movies of all-time, they have referenced more than half of them. Some favorites include:

- Raiders of the Lost Ark reference where Bart steals Homer’s penny jar

- Rear Window references in “Bart of Darkness”

- Terminator 2 reference of Homer chasing the Flanders with golf clubs

- Pulp Fiction McDonald's parody in “22 Short Films About Springfield”

- Cape Fear when Sideshow Bob stalks Bart after getting out of jail

- The Godfather in “Last Exit to Springfield” (Don Homer, my kid, he in trouble with the… eh, eh, that's a nice-ah donut.") Also, the theme played out on the mob's bar glasses

- The Graduate (Grampa stopping Mrs. Bouvier’s wedding, Dustin Hoffman as Mr. Bergstrom stating “Mrs. Krabappel, you’re trying to seduce me”.)

- Planet of the Apes not only in “A Fish Called Selma” but many others

- Citizen Kane not only in “Rosebud” but in many other Burns' references

- Batman when Lisa gets braces and Smithers & Burns travel to their lair

- One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest in many occasions.

- Close Encounters of the Third Kind when Homer plays with his potatoes

69. All of the brilliant references to TV programs including numerous references to The Flintstones and the similarities between Homer & Fred, the All in the Family medley in Lisa’s Sax, The X-Files (“But Mulder, there’s a large drug shipment coming in from New Jersey”, “Scully, I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that.”), this year’s Halloween parody of The Munsters, Batman the TV series with Radioactive Man and with Adam West’s appearance (“And did I need plastic molding to improve my physique? Pure West”), and this season’s Prisoner sendup.

70. All of the references to Kubrick movies. The Shinning is one of my favorite Halloween sketches.

"Boy, you read my thoughts! You've got the Shinning."

"You mean Shining."

"Shhh… you want to get sued?"

"Now if your father starts to go ga-ga, you just use that Shinn of yours to call Willie and I'll-a-come-a-runnin'. But don't be readin' my thoughts between 4 and 5. That's Willie's time!"

In “Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming”, there are numerous Dr. Strangelove references like the war room and Frink sitting in a wheelchair. It also contains Full Metal Jacket references as R. Lee Ermey is the guest star. Plus, the famous Slim Pickens bomb riding scene in Dr. Strangelove has been parodied twice including once as a couch gag.

There are plenty of 2001 references in Deep Space Homer including playing Strauss’ Blue Danube Waltz when Homer is eating his potato chips and Bart throwing the marker (bone) and it coming down as the Fox satellite. Also worth mentioning is Homer hallucinating the psychedelic lights from 2001 when he sits in the vibrating Spine Melter 2000 sofa chair.

71. There is no canned laughter (except when they're making a joke out of it).

72. DUFF BEER. The Duff Brewery Tour is a priceless scene.

"What does the future hold for Duff? Let's just say we've got a few tricks up our sleeves."

"Like what?"

"uhh… I'd rather not get into it right now."

"Why not?"

"OK. We have no new ideas for the future. We've got nothing. You happy?"

"No."

I like Duff's drinking and driving policies.

"Friends Don’t Let Friends Drive Drunk –It’s Always Time For A Duff.”

And Duffman, the guy who promotes awareness of Duff. "Yeah, Duffman fully supports the designated driver program."

Laramie Cigarettes deserves an honorable mention as they pretty much play the same role.

73. SHELBYVILLE: Shelbyville is the neighboring rival town where people are free to marry their cousins. The brilliance of Shelbyville is best represented in “Lemon of Troy” where Bart and the kids venture across the town line in an attempt to steal back Springfield's beloved lemon tree. It is like their bizarro world. There is a bizarro Bart named Shelby and a bizarro Milhouse. ("Your name is Milhouse too? This is what it must feel like when doves cry.") The adults shop at the Speed-E-Mart and drink Fudd Beer at Joe's Tavern.

74. The treehouse is a perfect setting to use for plot purposes. Not only do Bart & Milhouse play in there and hide out in there but they hosted a casino when Springfield legalized and got Robert Goulet to perform. "Your manager says for you to shut up!" Nelson. Homer stayed there when Marge kicked him out of the house. The entire family camped out in there when the carnys took over their house. Bart, Milhouse, and Martin spent the night there to watch over their precious Radioactive Man comic book. Sometimes it has a trap door; sometimes it doesn't.

75. The self-reflexivity in the show is delicately and brilliantly portrayed. Their relationship to the television is one example because they are a TV show. Moments like Homer telling Lisa, “Oh honey. Cartoons don’t have to be 100% realistic.” as a second Homer walks by the window inside are priceless. When Jessica Lovejoy puts down Bart, she refers to him as "Yellow trash". He then asks Lisa why Jessica doesn’t like him? "Is it the fact that I've worn the same shirt day in day out for the past four years?”

Marge: “Don’t you remember when Maggie shot Mr. Burns?”

Homer: “I always thought Smithers did it.”
Lisa: “That would’ve made a lot more sense.”

I also like in “Saddlesore Galatica” when Comic Book Guy keeps reminding the family of past episodes.

Lisa: “Mom, I think you might have a gambling problem.”

Comic Book Guy: (wearing a Worst Episode Ever T-shirt) “Hey, I’m watching you!”

76. As a lifelong skeptic of religion, I love how the issue is dealt with on the show, most notably in Homer the Heretic where Homer gives up his religion.

- Lisa: "Dad, why must you dedicate your life to blasphemy?"

Homer: "Don't worry, honey. If I'm wrong, I'll recant on my death bed."

- Homer: "I'm not a bad person. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?"

God: "Hmmm… you've got a point there. You know, even I'd rather be home watching football. Does St. Louis still have a team?"
Homer: "No, they moved to Phoenix."

God: "Oh yes... Now if you'll excuse me, I have to appear on a tortilla in Mexico."

- Marge: "Homer, don't make me choose between my man and my God because you just can't win."

Homer: "There you go again, always taking someone else's side. Flanders, the water department, God…"
Marge: "Homer, I'm going to ask you one more time. Are you sure you won't come to church?"
TV: "Coming up next… make your own ladder."
Homer: "Very sure."

(Sidenote on this episode: When Homer is in heaven in the final scene, you see Benjamin Franklin and Jimi Hendrix playing air hockey. They are two of my favorite historical figures.)

In other episodes:

- Bart: "What religion are you?"
Homer: "You know, the one with all those well meaning rules that don't work out in real life… Christianity."

- Ned: "Lord, I've done everything you've ever asked. Even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff. I've even kept kosher to stay on the safe side."

- Marge: "But isn't divorce a sin?"
Reverend Lovejoy: "Marge, just about everything is a sin. You ever sat down and read this thing? (holding up the Bible) Technically, we're not even supposed to go to the bathroom."

- Homer: "That guy she was singing about must've been really happy."

Marge: "Actually, I think she's singing about God."

Homer: "Oh, well he's always happy… no wait, he's always mad."

77. The Halloween episodes. It is what I look forward to most each Halloween.

Halloween I’s ‘The Raven’, II’s Monkey’s Paw, and III’s evil Krusty doll vignette.

"But beware the doll is cursed."
"That's bad."
"But it comes with a free frogurt."

"That's good."

"The frogurt is also cursed."
"That's bad."
"But you get your choice of topping."
"That's good."
"The toppings contain potassium nitrate."
"…"
"That's bad."
"Can I go now?"

Halloween V with Time and Punishment & The Shinning, and Halloween VI with Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace and Homer 3 are probably my two favorites.

Lisa: “That means the next time we fall asleep, we could die.”

Grampa: “Hey, welcome to my world.”

78. DIALOGUE: Think of Burns. "These minstrels will sooth my jangled nerves."

- “Your spirited hornpipes stole the show as I recall. Now Doctor, what shall we do about our freewheeling fop over here?”

- “Smithers, you infernal ninny! Stick you left hoof on that flange now! Now if you can get it through your bug-addled brain, jam the second mephitic clodhopper of yours on the right doo-dad! Now pump those scrawny chicken legs, you stuporous funker!”

Willie. "Have ye gone waxy in yer beester? I cannot fit in the wee vent, ye croquet-playin' mint-muncher!" Skinner: "Grease yourself up and go in, you guff speaking work-slacker." Willie: "Ooh, good comeback."

- “Don’t feel bad for losin’. I was wrestlin’ wolves back when you were at your mother’s tit.”

- “There’s nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman.”

Comic Book Guy. "I must return to my comic book store where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them."

- "Since you are unfamiliar with sarcasm, I shall close the register at this point."

- "But Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills! You're from two different worlds!… oh, I've wasted my life."

Lisa. "Dad, will you be a standardized text or using a more Socratic method of teaching?" "Yes, Lisa, Daddy's a teacher."

- “Aside from the fact that he has the same frailties as all human beings, he's the only father I have. Therefore, he is my model of manhood, and my estimation of him will govern the prospects of my adult relationships. So I hope you bear in mind that any knock at him is a knock at me, and I am far too young to defend myself against such onslaughts.”

How about Homer's vocabulary builder? "Forbearance is the watchword. That triumvirate of Twinkies merely overwhelmed my resolve."

- "Now there's a Machiavellian countenance… ooh, a sextet of ale"

79. Phil Hartman. I took his death harder than any other celebrity, yet every time I see him perform, I can't help but laugh. He was just so funny.

Everyone knows that he played Troy McClure. “Hi, I'm actor Troy McClure. You might remember me from such Driver's Ed films as The Decapitation of Larry Ledfoot and Alice's Adventures Through the Windshield Glass.”

“Hi, I’m actor Troy McClure. You might remember me from such Fox specials as Alien Nose Job and Five Fabulous Weeks of the Chevy Chase Show.”

Everyone knows that he played Lionel Hutz. "Don't worry, Homer. I've got a fool proof strategy for getting you out of here: surprise witnesses. Each more surprising than the last. I tell ya, the judge won't know what hit him."

"Homer, I don't like to use the word 'hero' often but you are the greatest hero in American history."

“This is the biggest case of fraudulence since my lawsuit against the movie The Neverending Story.”

But Phil was great as so many other characters including Lyle Lanley, Jimmy the Greek ("Hey when you're right 52 percent of the time, you're wrong 48 percent."), Australian Ambassador Evan Connover, and Bart's big brother, Tom. "Bart, I could kiss you… if only the Big Brother agency made me sign a form promising I wouldn't."

80. How many times has the entire population of Springfield broken out into an angry mob? They chased after Bart & Homer when Bart stole Jebediah Springfield’s head. They tried to tear down the burlesque house. They tore down the Do What You Feel Like Festival. They rioted at the soccer game. They rioted at the pee-wee hockey game. They chased after the buried treasure that Malloy supposedly left for them. They lost control at Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con. They broke into the Simpsons’ house and stole Bobo the bear from Maggie’s hands. “We’ve given the word ‘mob’ a bad name.”

81. There are a plethora of jokes that can only be gotten if you freeze frame.

82. The alien line up in the Springfield Files: Marvin the Martian, Chewbacca, Alf, Gort, and Kang.

83. In "Lisa the Vegetarian", Paul McCartney says, "If you play Maybe I'm Amazed backwards, you'll hear a recipe for a really rippin' lentil soup." In the end credits, Maybe I'm Amazed is played and if you listen closely, you can actually hear the lentil soup recipe being recited backwards.
84. The only two guest stars to not have their actual name be listed in the credits are Dustin Hoffman (listed as Sam Etic) and Michael Jackson (listed as John Jay Smith). In "Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie", Lisa returns home from the theater to inform Bart, "It was the greatest movie ever! Lots of cameo appearances. Dustin Hoffman, Michael Jackson. They didn't use their real names but you could tell it was them."
85. In "The Simpsons Spin Off Showcase", Kent Brockman introduces the Simpsons Variety Time Hour. As he tells the audience that the show is live, the clock behind reads 8:20. Since the Simpsons typically starts at 8:00, that would be the accurate time as we see it on TV.
86. In "22 Short Films About Springfield", one of the short films is about the Mexican Bee. Even though it is completely in Spanish, you can understand it perfectly.
87. At Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con, Uter walks by in the span of a second which is hardly enough time to notice his shirt says Futurama.
88. In the classroom film Fuzzy Bunny's Guide to You Know What, the wedding scene has Fuzzy wearing a yarmulke and stepping on a glass, implying that Fuzzy Bunny is Jewish.
89. The bumper stickers on Comic Book Guy’s car are:

- My other car is a Millennium Falcon

- I brake for Tribbles

- The truth is in here

- Keep honking, I’m charging my phaser

- My child is an honor student at Starfleet Academy

- Kang is my co-pilot

- His license plate is NCC-1701.

90. There are hundreds of signs and quick readables that crack me up when I catch them, which sometimes isn't until the fourth or fifth time I've seen the episode.
91. Despite the ubiquity of O.J. jokes in the media over the past few years, the Simpsons made only one very subtle yet perfect O.J. joke. In the 138^th episode when talking about the alternate ending of “Who Shot Mr. Burns”, Troy McClure says, “But for that ending to work, you’d have to ignore all the Simpson DNA evidence… and that would just be downright nutty.”
92. There are instances where a crowd of people is talking all at once. In many of these instances, you hear only mumbling except for a single line of dialogue that is subtly thrown in to either give the mob's thoughts some clarity or for pure hilarity. Examples: Barney saying "Go back to Russia", the town meeting “Marge is gonna say something”, at the film festival "self-indulgent tripe", Ralph's "iron you", and the German power plant meeting: “Do we have any alcoholics among us?” “I’m drunk right now.”

93. The cast of the Simpsons can occasionally break into original song. Ten classics include:

- “We Put the Spring in Springfield”

- “Who Needs the Kwik-e-Mart”

- The Be-Sharpes' “Baby on Board” & “Goodbye My Coney Island Babe”

- The Monorail Song

- Tito Puente's Senor Burns mambo

- Stone Cutters' “We Do”

- The Adults & Kids song in Wild Barts Can’t be Broken

- “The Garbageman Can”

- Burns singing “See my Vest”

- Every song by Shary Bobbins (“Half-ass Job”, “A Boozehound Named Barney”, “Just the Way We Are”)

94. THE SOUNDTRACK:

- Singing The Village People’s In The Navy in Simpson Tide.

- Burns playing the classical music from Apocalypse Now only to have it interrupted by Abba's Waterloo. Smithers says, "I'm sorry, sir. I must've taped over that."

- Homer singing Steve Miller's The Joker

- Grand Funk Railroad in Hullabalooza “The wild shirtless lyrics of Mark Farner? The bong-rattling bass of Mel Shocker? The competent drumwork of Don Brewer?”

- Edgar Winter Group’s Frankenstein “Everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974. It’s a scientific fact.”

- Jammin by Bob Marley when the police force gets high with blind guy at the end of “The Canine Mutiny”

- The end of “Burns Baby Burns” when the entire town breaks out into a huge party to the tune of Journey's Any Way You Want It (this of course is a reference to Caddyshack since Rodney Dangerfield plays Mr. Burns' son Larry.)

- When Homer loses Maggie, he calls the hotline and screams, “I’ve lost my baby.”

They put him on hold which plays Baby Come Back.

- Apu singing to Cheap Trick’s Dream Police and dancing to Foreigner’s Hot Blooded

95. The theme music. It is such a simply and wonderfully written tune by Danny Elfman, one of my all-time favorite composers. Elfman is best known for composing every Tim Burton every made. He did the score for one of my favorite movies, Midnight Run; I recall him being Oscar nominated for two very different scores in the same year: Men in Black and Good Will Hunting. Those 12 notes are so instantly recognizable that I learned to play them on the piano by ear.

To come up with only five outstanding Simpsons episodes is like picking out only five beautiful women in Spain. But I'll give it my best:

96. HOMER AT THE BAT. Who else can get nine major league players to make a guest appearance on the same episode? Mr. Burns hires them as ringers so his plant can win the softball championship. The scene where Burns pitches the idea to Smithers is pure genius. "Cap Anson, Mordecai Three Finger Brown." "Umm… sir, all of those players have retired and… passed on. In fact your right fielder has been dead 130 years."

"All right then. Get me some new players, living players. Scour the American League, the National League, the Negro League."

Smithers goes out and recruits Ken Griffey Jr., Jose Canseco, and Darryl Strawberry as his outfielders, Don Mattingly to play 1B, Steve Sax 2B, Ozzie Smith SS, Wade Boggs 3B, Roger Clemens P, and Mike Scioscia C.

The rivalry between Strawberry and Homer "has a 75% chance of hilarity."

"You're Darryl Strawberry."
"Yes."

"You play right field."
"Yes."
"I play right field."
"So…"

"Are you better than me?"
"Well… I never met you but… yes."

Of course as Burns would joke the odds of all 9 of his players falling victim to some misfortune they can't play in the game, all except Darryl Strawberry realize his prophecy.

Ken Griffey Jr. overdoses on Brain Tonic and develops gigantism,

Mike Scioscia get radioactive poisoning from working overtime at the plant,

Jose Canseco gets stuck helping a woman empty her house that's on fire,

Roger Clemens is hypnotized into clucking like a chicken,

Wade Boggs gets punched out by Barney after a disagreement over who Britain's greatest prime minister was,

Don Mattingly is fired by Burns for not shaving his sideburns,

and my favorite - Ozzie Smith falls down Springfield's Mystery Spot. "Once you go in, you may never come out." "One please!"

After an enthusiastic brain massage by Smithers, Burns replaces Strawberry at the plate with Homer. With the bases loaded, he is hit by a pitch and wins the game.

97. DUFFLESS: After getting arrested from drinking following the Duff Brewery tour, Homer promises Marge to give up beer for a month. It begins with one of my favorite sequences: Homer's conversation with his brain about ducking out to see the Duff Brewery Tour. "Did I say that or did I just think it? I gotta think of a lie fast!"

The entire Duff Brewery Tour is non-stop laughs. When I took the Heineken Brewery Tour in Amsterdam, I couldn't stop thinking of that scene.

"What does the future hold for Duff? Well, let's just say we've got a few tricks up our sleeves."
"Like what?"
"Ummm… I'd rather not get into it right now."
"Why not?"
"OK, we have no ideas for the future. We've got nothing. You happy?"
"No."

After his arrest, Homer has to attend AA meetings.

Lovejoy: "Here for Coping with Senility?"
Jasper: "No! I'm here for Microwave Cookery… no wait… Coping with Senility."

Homer: "My name is Homer and I'm only here because they made me."
Lovejoy: "Homer, with our help, you'll never drink another beer again."

Homer: "AAAHH!" and he jumps out the window.

The ending is of my favorites because it ends with Homer realizing that his love for his wife trumps his love for beer. It ends with them taking a sunset bicycle ride together singing "Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head" a la Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

98. HOMER'S BARBERSHOP QUARTET: The Be-Sharpes define a classic episode. In 1985, Homer, Principal Skinner, Apu, and Chief Wiggum were in a barbershop quartet. When they are presented with a record contract, they ditch Chief Wiggum and replace him with Barney who possesses a remarkable singing voice. They catapult up the charts and receive a Grammy Award. One of the most priceless sequences is when Homer's voiceover explains "and then came one of the greatest moments of my life."

George Harrison: "Hello, Homer. I'm George Harrison."

Homer: "Oh my God. Oh my God! Where did you get that brownie!?!"

George Harrison: "Over there. There's a big pile of them."
Homer: "AAAAHH!" and he runs over and stuffs the brownies into his mouth at light speed.

I also love:

Grandpa: "That's my son up there."
Jasper: "Who? The balding fat ass?"

Grandpa: "uhh… no, the Hindu guy."

And

Baby Lisa: “Daddy beat Dexy Midnight Runners.”

Homer: “Well, you haven’t heard the last of them.”

99. LAST EXIT TO SPRINGFIELD: Burns offers a free keg of beer to his workers in exchange for their dental plan. It takes Homer an exceptionally long moment to determine "… if our dental plan is taken away… I'll have to pay for Lisa's braces!" His courage to stand up to Burns' prompts the plant workers to unanimously nominate him as the new Union President.

Homer: "How much does this job pay anyway?"

Carl: "Nothin'..."

Homer: "D'oh!"

Carl: "…unless you're crooked."
Homer: "WOOHOO!"

Burns calls Homer in for a meeting and he has to go to the bathroom badly.

"You have to look out for number one. But listen to me and you'll make a big splash."
"Where's the bathroom?"

"27^th door on the left."
Afterwards… "Did you find the bathroom OK?"
"uh…. Yeah!"

and Burns’ Grinch-like speech at the end:

 “Look at them all, through the darkness I'm bringing.
  They're not sad at all. They're actually singing!
  They sing without juicers, They sing without blenders.
  They sing without flunjers, capdabblers and smendlers!”

100.DEEP SPACE HOMER:

As a space buff, I couldn’t be more delighted to see Homer join NASA and go up into space. When the TV ratings for NASA’s space launches drop, they recruit average Americans i.e. Homer & Barney as astronauts.

“Is this President Clinton? Good! I figure if anyone knew where I’d get some Tang, it’d be you… Shut Up!”

When Barney is disqualified for being an alcoholic… “Well, Homer, looks like yo win by default.”

“WooHoo! The two sweetest words in the English language! Dee- fault, dee-fault, dee-fault!”

“Where’d you get that thing?”
”Sent away.”

Homer goes into space with Buzz Aldrin who flew to the moon with Neil Armstrong and Race Banyon. While on board, Homer spills a bag of chips, breaks the hatch door, and destroys the precious ant colony.

Kent Brockman: “Ladies and gentlemen, we've just lost the picture, but, uh, what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has been taken over -- "conquered", if you will -- by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive earth men or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain, there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.”

And after all that, Homer is once again upstaged by the inanimate carbon rod.

101. To write this piece, I had to immerse myself in more Simpsons than usual. And yet I’m not tired of watching in the least. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s 8PM on Sunday evening and I’ve got somewhere to be.

©2002 chetandjuliafagin.com